In Lose We Trust
Here we come again.
Actually, I think that hardly anyone reads in here, so let it go, i'll post my feelings, not even in the aim of sharing them with anybody, but just to let it flow, because right at the moment, I really, really need it.
The work formation sucks.. I'm gone in work experience in a week, and I'm not prepared. Looks like I'm gonna fall. I'll have 3 to 4 year-old kids, and I feel it's gonna be hard to keep my strength during three weeks . I visited the school this morning, looks nice tho. Wait and see as they say.
I have to hand in a work research, approx. 30 page long. I'm very late concerning it.
We have some "course validation works" to do as well. Including a big one in French. No time for that as well.
Why such a lack of time? Because we have a lot of courses. And when I come back in my student room, I'm dead tired to work.
And most of all, I have a very weak mood these times. And it's gonna be even weaker this week. Tonight I told her I still love her. Got rejected... I knew this would happen, but something inside of me was telling me "try, there's still a hope". Failure. The worst is not the pain caused by the fact that i know we'll never be together anymore. I had my chance once, I failed, so be it.
But it's the fact that I feel I gave everything to her during the last 2 years, and now she tells me I never try to understand her (easy when you have to try to interpret things by yourself when the girl is too secret) , that she has to make big efforts not to hurt me, that she considers me too intrusive (yeah, call that intrusion when you only are interested in what your friends do), that I'll have to be a "laugh friend"...
No way. I can't stand being considered that way.
I really, REALLY feel like shit now. I somehow felt she was the girl who appreciated me the most. 1st: I'm wrong, she really thinks I'm a psycho. 2nd: if she really was this one (as she showed it many times), then what about the others? I'm fed up, so fed up... I feel like an orphan... goddammit, I was always thinking about her, and now I lost her as a friend. Whatever she says, she told me tonight "no you haven't lost me".... insofar as she considers me only as a "laugh friend", then the complicity we used to have is broken. I had never been so close to any other girl before. I'll have to learn to live differently.
It's hard, fucking hell, it's bloody hard.
Actually, I think that hardly anyone reads in here, so let it go, i'll post my feelings, not even in the aim of sharing them with anybody, but just to let it flow, because right at the moment, I really, really need it.
The work formation sucks.. I'm gone in work experience in a week, and I'm not prepared. Looks like I'm gonna fall. I'll have 3 to 4 year-old kids, and I feel it's gonna be hard to keep my strength during three weeks . I visited the school this morning, looks nice tho. Wait and see as they say.
I have to hand in a work research, approx. 30 page long. I'm very late concerning it.
We have some "course validation works" to do as well. Including a big one in French. No time for that as well.
Why such a lack of time? Because we have a lot of courses. And when I come back in my student room, I'm dead tired to work.
And most of all, I have a very weak mood these times. And it's gonna be even weaker this week. Tonight I told her I still love her. Got rejected... I knew this would happen, but something inside of me was telling me "try, there's still a hope". Failure. The worst is not the pain caused by the fact that i know we'll never be together anymore. I had my chance once, I failed, so be it.
But it's the fact that I feel I gave everything to her during the last 2 years, and now she tells me I never try to understand her (easy when you have to try to interpret things by yourself when the girl is too secret) , that she has to make big efforts not to hurt me, that she considers me too intrusive (yeah, call that intrusion when you only are interested in what your friends do), that I'll have to be a "laugh friend"...
No way. I can't stand being considered that way.
I really, REALLY feel like shit now. I somehow felt she was the girl who appreciated me the most. 1st: I'm wrong, she really thinks I'm a psycho. 2nd: if she really was this one (as she showed it many times), then what about the others? I'm fed up, so fed up... I feel like an orphan... goddammit, I was always thinking about her, and now I lost her as a friend. Whatever she says, she told me tonight "no you haven't lost me".... insofar as she considers me only as a "laugh friend", then the complicity we used to have is broken. I had never been so close to any other girl before. I'll have to learn to live differently.
It's hard, fucking hell, it's bloody hard.
posted by Thierry | 2:23 AM
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